A discussion on what a Christian should look for in a future spouse, weighing faith, character, and the heart above all else.

What Should a Christian Look For in a Future Spouse?

What happens when a former believer sits down with a panel of Christians and admits he is not sure what he believes anymore? In this episode of the Ask A Christian Podcast, host Nate and guests tackle the hard stuff—from the problem of evil to whether God chooses us before the foundation of the world. But the conversation takes a practical turn when a caller asks a question every single Christian eventually faces: what should a Christian look for in a future spouse? The answer involves more than just chemistry—it involves the Bible, a new heart, and why your own logic might be the last thing you should trust.

What Should a Christian Look For in a Future Spouse? The Biblical Bottom Line

Scripture is clear that marriage is not a contract between two individuals but a covenant before God. In 2 Corinthians 6:14, Paul warns against being unequally yoked with unbelievers—a principle that applies directly to the question of what a Christian should look for in a future spouse. The primary marker is not shared hobbies, financial stability, or even emotional compatibility, but genuine faith in Jesus Christ. Proverbs 4:23 instructs believers to guard the heart, and Jeremiah 17:9 reminds us that the heart is deceitful above all things. This is why the panel insists that a Christian must first be a sincere, devout follower of Christ themselves before seeking a partner. For deeper doctrine on how faith shapes every area of life, explore our catechism lessons. The Bible also gives specific roles for husbands and wives in Ephesians 5, which is not outdated but rooted in God’s unchanging design.

“Get Married Quick” and the Silver Refiner

The episode’s most practical advice might also be the funniest: if two Christians are attracted to each other, get married quickly—before you do anything you should not be doing. But the panel balances this with a story about a silver refiner from Malachi 3:3. One guest shared how God sits like a silversmith, holding the silver in the fire until all impurities rise, removing it the moment he sees his face reflected. The takeaway? You do not need to be perfect to marry, but you need to be refined—and you need to actually know the person you are pursuing before you start dating them. For more on building a Christ-centered life and relationships, explore our Spiritual Growth resources. The panel also warned against marrying a lukewarm Christian, since no one should want to marry someone who is not sincerely pursuing Jesus.